Monday, June 17, 2013

{ F E A R } vs. { F A I T H }

i get asked two questions a lot recently. first is "how many days?" {today the answer to that is 16 by the way. and my mom is freaking out more than i am...heh heh.} and the second question is "are you scared?"

the answer is: no, i'm not.

which is so strange! because honestly i'm a scaredy-cat {sp?} and i constantly push myself beyond my limits, expanding myself ....but i will always admit that i would rather stay with what i know than venturing out to something new. but like i said, i extend past my limits. if i hadn't, i wouldn't even have started my mission papers.

but i did. and here i am. and i'm not afraid. i'm still nervous about the airport honestly {but i'll always be scared of those places...sketchy sketchy things...}and anxious about certain habits i haven't quite kicked yet but all in all i feel as though...i can do this. i just have to keep moving forward and never look back.

when i first got my call, shortly afterward i was really concerned. i was getting terrified in fact. i knew i wasn't ready in basically any way at all, at least that was how i felt. and then one of my wonderful brothers texted me. he started asking me very simple questions such as "do you believe that your call came from the Lord?" and obviously i said yes, and his questions continued. in the end he basically hit it: i am not serving for myself, i am serving for them. and anything about me...i need to forget about it. yes, be prepared...but don't worry. the Lord wouldn't have called me to Brazil if He knew i couldn't handle it.

and i have Faith in that. and that's the funniest thing of all, when you have faith in someone or something, you can't doubt them at the same time. it's one, or the other. and even more than that {and possibly more shocking...} is that it is a Choice. we get to choose whether or not we are ready to put our whole lives in the Lord's hands for those 18 months or whether we should just go home.

it's a decision between whether or not we will have Faith or Fear. will i let myself be molded in the hands of the master? or will i let myself be crushed in satan's death grip? and the choice has to be made.

and so i decided i would take a Leap of Faith! and i have felt so much peace, and whenever i feel that fear creeping in i remember that, i remember the faith and His love for me and i push away from me the doubts. and i am no longer afraid. just like Karola Reece's mother {from the book We Were Not Alone} never lost her faith in the Lord and through that same faith, preserved her family...i believe that the sisters who are now flooding the earth today will perform miracles...and we will not be afraid.

{ t h e // end }

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