Wednesday, June 12, 2013

The { J O U R N E Y } : Before The Call : Part Two

i'm not all too sure of how i'm going to write this story. first of all, it's pretty personal...but after hearing from many other sister missionaries their stories, i feel like it might do some good to share mine as well.

as probably noted by other sisters, once your papers are in or you have made the decision to serve, there appears before you a brilliant array of temptation. mine came in the form of a certain young man {and for his privacy i won't state a name or anything that will implicate him i promise, i simply want to convey a principle}. he was nice, and he was funny and i was extremely attracted to him.

but he wasn't active, and he lived a very different lifestyle than anyone i have really met before. in fact in this sense he was precisely the type of person whom during any other time in my life i would have avoided wholeheartedly. but i didn't. i dipped my foot a little into the water, testing it out. and although nothing serious happened, a door was opened into the room of curiosity for me. i don't know if i wish i hadn't, but i do know that i wouldn't take back this experience now that i have had it.

in the end i fell for him {no i didn't love him, but i did like him a...lot.} and i made a bit of a fool of myself trying to see if he liked me, and trying to get him to like me. in the end i had nothing to show for it but having made a huge fool of myself, of course.

but i learned a lot about myself in this process. it's funny how experiences like this can show you just how true your colors are. my experience showed me how willing i was to listen to my parents warnings and advice, even when i didn't want to. my experience showed me that you can't tiptoe along the line of black and white...that you need to steer clear of it. this experience showed me how people whose lives are completely different from your own are not...bad people as i think i may have thought before. they still have a light inside of them, that makes them a beautiful human being. and i learned how truly weak of a human being i am, and how much i do need His strength sometimes...strength to endure through the distractions.

{i would like to note though: even though meeting and getting to know this guy was probably not my best move ever, i still believe with all my heart that he is an incredible guy. he taught me a lot about loving people, despite their pasts, their habits, their choices...he may not know it but he helped me to love people in a deeper way than i had before.}

in the story of adam and eve, satan tempted eve and convinced her to partake of the fruit. he thought he had won then, but what he didn't realize is that he was only helping along Heavenly Father's plan, by causing eve to make a CHOICE. adam and eve couldn't progress without it, thus in a very odd way...satan was only helping along the plan.

with that in mind...i think that is what this experience was for me. although it wasn't right...good things came of it, and i don't believe i would be the stronger woman that i am now without it.

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